Evil

What makes a person evil? Is it just horrible luck, is it a personality flaw, a genetic disorder, that makes a person turn to hate? What would make a person target all their anger on another culture? I like to think that given the right circumstances, everyone would choose peace. But would they really? I mean, some people go through hell, and they are stronger for it. Others seem to have no hardship at all, and only an accident of birth gives them fuel for their hatred. Would bin Laden, or Hitler, or any other evil person in history, would they have been different if circumstances had been different? Or were their circumstances only an excuse, so that they would have been evil no matter what their life was like? I find it hard to believe that people can hate other humans so easily, without questioning whether their "crime" might be simply their existence. As glad as I am to be human, I often envy other, less intelligent species, that don't understand the concepts of hate, or prejudice, or evil. Their lives must be so much simpler.

Don't mind me, I'm only ranting

Okay, this is bugging me. All this "You don't care about Japan, you're so selfish, typical American. How dare you think of your friend who might have been killed? Don't you know what that country is going through?"

Seriously. Who doesn't think "Oh my god, I hope my friend is okay" when something like this happens? I don't know anyone in Japan, but I did have a cousin living in Manhattan ten years ago. And when the twin towers were attacked, the first thing I thought was, I hope she's all right. Why? Because I know her. Not because I didn't care about the thousands who died, but I didn't know them. I feel sympathy for the people who lost friends and family. But I didn't know any of them. Same with Japan. You want to know if the people you know are safe. Not because you don't care about anyone else. Maybe because it's easier to feel sympathy for the people who did lose friends and family if you know yours are safe. Maybe because humans are by nature selfish, though in this case I hardly think selfish is an accurate term. We think of how something affects us first- I prefer to think of it as a survival mechanism rather than selfishness.

/rant

Sorry if this offends anyone, but I really hate it when someone accuses someone else of being selfish for caring about their friends more than a bunch of strangers.

525,600 minutes

Before I delve into my newest addition to my Tokio Hotel collection, I want to take a few minutes and try to describe this journey. It won't be enough. I can never find the words I need. Though I've been told I'm a skilled writer (which I don't believe), I always feel like the perfect order is just beyond my grasp. Hence why I don't believe those who say I'm good at this.

But that's not what I'm writing about. I want to talk about Tokio Hotel. About this last year and three months. Or is it four months now? I can hardly believe how time has flown; I can hardly believe the difference in me. To go from a depressed, jaded high school drop-out who'd long since given up on dreams, to where I am now. And maybe others don't see the difference; I don't know. People don't tell me stuff. But I gave up on giving up, and I owe it to Tokio Hotel.

That night, just over a year ago, when I saw that picture on that stupid website, I didn't have any idea that my life was about to be turned on end. I couldn't get that picture out of my head. And when I searched on Google, I found a video which also wouldn't let me be. That boy was so enthralling, so enchanting. He was like a Tale'edras or an Elf out of one of my favorite fantasy books. Now I do a little drawing; I don't pretend to be anywhere near good. But if I could have created the perfect image of what I find most beautiful in a human, it probably would have looked something like Bill Kaulitz.

Now let me get this straight before we go any further. I do NOT find him attractive. I find him beautiful. There's a huge difference. He is beautiful, inspiring, amazing, the closest thing to perfect any human could hope to attain. But he is not attractive to me in the least. I don't worship him, I don't think he's sexy, I just find him an amazing and inspiring role model.

When I watched "Don't Jump," I found myself falling for this odd German band. I wasn't exactly well versed on pop culture. Growing up, I was taught that Britney Spears was the epitome of evil, and that nothing good could come out of Hollywood. I admit, I try to keep up with modern, current entertainment now because I hate being so clueless about the culture I grew up in. However, I never in a million years would have thought to look outside North America to find what I was looking for. It wasn't that I was opposed to European musicians, I honestly just hadn't thought of it. So I was surprised when I fell so hard. I think part of it- make that most of it- was due to my utter boredem. Sitting up all night, waiting for something to happen- the world is never as boring as it is at 02:00 when you're alone. And so I listened to Tokio Hotel music videos, watched old THTV episodes, and eventually found THA.

I say eventually; it was probably less than a week.

The changes have been significant.

In 2006, I left the Bible college in Chicago.

Between 2006 and 2009, I did nothing.

In 2009, I got a job.

In 2009, I saw "Don't Jump."

In 2010, I got my high school diploma, enrolled in college, was accepted into the Honors Program, started learning German, decided to go after the major I wanted instead of the one I thought I should do, signed up for three music classes, including piano, and finished my first semester of college with a 3.7 GPA.

All that to say:

This has been the best 525,600 minutes of my life.